Friday, February 21, 2014

"He" was a "She"

**2/20/14: I just found this in my drafts... I must have had to referee something and pressed save instead of publish.  The funny thing is if I had known this existed 2 weeks ago i could have given Sare a much more accurate memory of her birth... Just prior to her own little ones birth!

As recalled on 5/11: I was supposed to call my OB at 3:30p on Sunday to let him know I was feeling... absolutely no signs of labor pending. He was convinced I was going to go on my own that weekend and not need to be induced. There was also some concern about how quickly I tend to go and didn't really want me to continue to dilate prior to active labor and then deliver in the car. Naturally I agreed with that theory as our car is not equipped with an epidural.  So at 3pm I barfed. I started to remember this was the way I went into labor with Crazy T. Barfs but no contractions... great. I called Dr. and we decided that I would come in Monday morning to start the pitocin. I got in the shower to hopefully feel better. Dr. called back and talked to AJ and said - ehh why don't you come in tonight my friend is the one on call and he'll put your cervidil in. Barfed again. So la-dee da- blow dry my hair...put on make up. I am having a baby after all - you do know how many pictures are involved in having a baby, right.... a girls gotta look good for her newborn (whose eyes can't even see more than a spec infront of them and in black and white!) Mom - Mom came over to watch the boys and off we go to the hospital - I think we got there around 5pm. During the car ride i was starting to feel much more cramping... continued to barf and felt like maybe... my water had broken. Not like in the movies broken, but just a little broken. When I got there i was 3+ dilated and sure my water did break - which was a bit of a relief because the alternative was that I peed in my pants... and well, I'm glad it was the water breaking. I was staying and we were having a baby!

Let the drama begin. I go fast... I had pushed it one contraction too far in previous births so I immediately asked for my epidural- I had magazines and movies to watch. That was THE PLAN. Country Strong with Tim McGraw and Gwennie and some USWeeklys to catch up on while I watched the contractions on the screen and say - "wow that was a big one" without really feeling it. That was THE PLAN. Enter anesthesiologist... a face that is now forever etched in my mind because after not one, but two attempts at getting me my epi cocktail, we had nothing. As in nothing numbed by my right foot. And well if your right foot was where babies came from I would have been all set. But we all know that's not where babies come from so THE PLAN was foiled and I was REALLY wishing that I had taken that labor class at some point. The anesthesiologist wanted to try for a third time but after she told me that could result in an indefinite headache (as in forever), I saw the writing on the wall... I was likely still going to feel this birth AND have an indefinite headache. It wasn't the call I was looking to make, but it was time to get my head in the game and... go sans drugas. Thankfully they broke the rest of my water around 7pm I went from 4 -10cm in 45 painful minutes. And after a couple quick pushes -bam she was born at 8:03pm. And "he" was a .... "She!"

After all the drama during her birth, I can definitely say - I would not change a thing about this experience - the sheer amazement and surprise and instant love for this little family we have made was irreplaceable. Two boys and a girl! I couldn't believe it. I hope I will always be able to remember that feeling of pure joy.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Epic Fail.

Recently my friend Chrissy responded to my text ramble "I can't wait to read your blog... get started!" And I thought - "Yeah, I should write a blog- what a great creative outlet since I don't have time to sew, craft or DIY much these days"... and then it dawned on me... oh wait,  I DO have a blog.  I've just abandoned it for TWO (almost 3 but who's counting at this point) years.  Between changing all those dirty diapers, making lunches, working, class momming and shuttling those stinky boys to soccer, basketball, soccer, lacrosse, soccer, baseball. I missed it.  I missed jotting down the minutia.  The minutia that today I think might break me and one day so soon I am going to miss.  And then I'll want these days back... all because I forget why it was all so perfectly exhausting. 

I am so sad that I haven't written one memory of the kids in 2012 and 13... so so SAD.  Aren't these supposed to be the best days? The ones filled with "he touched me" and "that's MY ball." And I'm missing it.  I'm missing the memories of all their funny (and not so funny) moments! Augh! I could cry...

Once I dust myself off.... I'm getting back to blogging... for my kids (not at all for my sanity and attempt at remedying a terrible memory).  For my kids.